You previously mentioned toxic male grief. Why is this important?
It’s not something often discussed. I think mental health is beginning to get the focus it deserves, and rightly so, but I think men’s mental health is still somewhat brushed under the carpet, plus grief is specific to the individual and there’s still this expectation for men to be strong and get on with things and simply dismiss grief and loss. Yes, you can put it in a ‘box’ and shove it under the bed and never take it out until enough time for you to it has passed and won’t impact anymore but I don’t think that works. It didn’t for me. I tried it. You could say it was a slow poisoning of how I saw people and the world and what was happening around me. Hence, it being toxic. I think many men approach grief like this. We don’t understand the damage we are doing to ourselves and those around us.. I hope by telling what is my truth, my story within Dogs that it in small way helps. Whether that’s helping men recognise themselves in the story, or have foresight of what may happen, or help partners understand what might be happening to their loved ones. Most importantly if it helps people understand there is a light at the end of the tunnel then it’s been worth it. I’ve said before I think it is in our nature to travel towards light, but sometimes we need help in turning round to see it.
There is obviously a very personal story within the novel, why tell it within a work of fiction?
I didn’t want to write an autobiography. I didn’t want to write in the first person. I didn’t think it necessary or entertaining to share a day by day account of what I went through. For me, it was too narcissistic. I felt more could be achieved by embedding what I felt compelled to say within the structure of the novel.
You said ‘compelled’?
Yes. It is my story. What happens to Ben pretty much happened to me. I did travel to all those places in Spain. I did stop in the gorge. I did have those dreams in the book, all of them. The thunderstorm in Barcelona happened, we did have a little red Spanish hire car. Ben’s grief is very much my grief and what happened to Ben happened to me.
Where can someone get hold of From Where We Threw Dogs?
Right here, and I’d be jolly happy if you did, hint hint.
